


A Court of Brambles and Beasts

by Kindred_Spirits



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Heroine's Journey, Hurt/Comfort, Redemption, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:47:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25477909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kindred_Spirits/pseuds/Kindred_Spirits
Summary: Briar has not been the same since being rescued from the hell of Hybern's encampment that fateful night. (WIP Description)
Relationships: Briar/Tamlin, Elain Archeron & Lucien Vanserra, Feyre Archeron/Rhysand, Kallias/Viviane (ACoTaR), Nesta Archeron/Cassian
Comments: 5
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read my work. All mistakes are my own. This is my first fic in over 10 years and my first one ever on AO3. Constructive feedback is welcomed.

_Briar_

I was screaming. All of me, every inch of my skin -- my blood was screaming as I writhed on that bloodied stage, my hands chained above my head as the monsters took pleasure in peeling me apart inch by inch. I was dying. Too slow. _Too slow_ .  
  
Another of the monsters grabbed me, their claws threatening to rip the already tender skin and I kicked against it. I would not die here. This could not be how it ended. Across the stage, beyond the raucous crowd delighting in my torture I could see a man with golden hair -- his features a blur from my tears but the hair was as golden as a lion, and it shone like a beacon. He turned away, just as biting pain ripped through me again. _No, please...help..me._  
  
I awoke from my dream -- no my memory, with screams.  
  
The fae servant who had been assigned to my care, Rinma, was staring at me in terror that seemed equal to what I felt. Her hands were firm on my shoulders and I realized that she must have been shaking me, trying to awaken me.  
  
“Lady Briar, you are safe.” The soft-spoken woman said, her voice firm. She was beautiful, as they all were, her hair a pale blonde that was almost white and it was cut short and tucked behind her pointed ears. Her heart shaped face was lovely, with a pair of glittering sapphire eyes that begged me to trust her.  
  
I pushed her away, lurching over the bed to become sick into the bowl that the servants had placed there on just my third night at the Winter Court. It had been months since the nights of torture at Hybern’s camp, but the dreams kept the horrors fresh. Rinma set her hands gently against my back, rubbing it briefly before pulling my dark hair up and away from my face as she let me retch in silence. My fingers curled into the side of the bed, twisting the sheets.  
  
When it was done, the petite faerie waved her hand over the mess -- hiding it with a glamour until it could be truly cleaned. What my mother would not have given for something like that in our house. My heart clenched in pain at her memory. What had happened to my family since the war with Hybern had started and finished? They were safe, presumably, since Feyre Archeron, the High Lady of the Night Court, had told me herself of her plans to winnow -- a strange thing that allowed faeries to step from one place to another in the blink of an eye -- every vulnerable human on the other side of the wall to safety.

I refused to let myself believe any different. I trusted Feyre without question, even if she was a faerie now -- she had once been like me, a human girl. I also refused to acknowledge why I had not asked about them since the end of the war, when Hybern had been killed and the lands becoming safe once more for the mortal kind. If you could call it safe.  
  
Rinma said nothing as she allowed me to collect my dignity in quiet.  
  
“I’m sorry.” I murmured, as she busied her hands with straightening the ribbons of fabric left of the bed covering. I had thrashed so hard that I had ripped them, _again_. 

“You’ve been through much, lady.” Briar said, her tone collected and crisp like an autumn apple. “There’s nothing to apologize for. Lady Viviane does not worry over the likes of ripped sheets.”  
  
And yet, I still felt guilty. I pressed a hand to my forehead, finding it blazing under the clammy feel of my fingers.  
  
“What is the time?” I asked, glancing towards the windows where the stars twinkled in the darkness. 

“Dawn is still a few hours away, but if you’d like to rise now then you are welcome to.” Rinma replied, pulling away from the bed to stand. Hardly a decent hour to rise, but the halls of the Winter Court palace -- and there was no other word for the grand, ornate home in which I currently took residence -- would be quiet.  
  
“Thank you.” I said quietly, pushing myself off the opposite side of the bed. The floors were warm beneath my bare feet, despite the fact that they looked like sheets of ice on a lake. Rinma snapped her fingers and the great hearth that acted as the anchor of the room roared back to life from embers. A lush garland of evergreen hung over the mantle, decorated in white and red berries that never seemed to fade. More fae magic, I would suppose.  
  
I moved slowly across the room, unable to hide the slight limp in my gait as I crossed into the bathing rooms. Most of my physical wounds were healed, but there would always be a limp there to remind me of what I had suffered at the hands of fae. 

The ice of the floors seemed to climb up onto the walls here, casting an iridescent shimmer that had stolen my breath away the first time I had come in here. A tub of porcelain claimed the center of the room, beckoning me to it with the promise of hot water to ease all of my aches even as I turned towards the pair of vanities instead.  
  
I took great care as I used a cloth to wash my face, running it across my cheeks and under my chin before bringing the cooling sensation to the back of my neck. When I opened my eyes, it was a stranger staring back at me. The darkness under my eyes was a testament to how little sleep I was truly getting, my cheeks sunken and overall I looked like the worst version of myself that I had ever seen. My dark hair, almost dark as the night outside, was tangled despite the braid that I had tried to put it in. 

The cloth made a sloppy wet sound as I dropped it onto the counter, reaching up to untie the braid and try to tame it into something suitable.  
  
When I made it back out of the bathroom, the room was empty and quiet save for the crackling of the fire. I made quick work out of dressing, finding myself wishing for the simpler garments of home as I slid my arms through the sleeves of a dress of blush rose. It was a beautiful thing, one of many beautiful things that I’d worn since I arrived. 

The neckline plunged into a vee that stopped just above my breasts, the waistline snatched in by a belt studded with crystals. It clung to me, although I now lacked the proper shapes and curved to make it look right. Attached to the shoulder were panels of sheer fabric that were also decorated with swirling patterns of crystals that caught the firelight, making the shine and flash. Truly, I had no business being in such finery -- but Viviane and her sister both insisted that it was the least of things I could be wearing.  
  
I chose a pair of sensible shoes, flat and low to the ground. I did not have the patience for anything more and once they were on my feet, I left my room behind. The halls of the palace were more ornate than the rooms -- but somehow, it seemed that months of living in them had dulled their grandeur. I barely looked up at the variety of ornate frames and paintings that lined the hall as I went towards the one space that I knew would not be occupied -- especially not at this hour.  
  
I was not sure why it surprised me to find that the High Lord of Winter, Kallias, was a patron of the musical arts. Perhaps it was his imposing figure, or the stiff way that he regarded me even as his wife -- Vivianne -- had embraced me like another sister. It would surprise one to know that he could play any instrument he desired, and often did so -- or so I had heard from Vivianne. Apparently, it was also his way of apologizing whenever they had had an argument. He was as likely to write her a song as he was to actually apologize. It worked, most of the time.  
I encountered nary a soul as I found my way to the room where all of the musical instruments of the household were kept and slipped inside, carefully and quietly shutting the pair of double doors behind me. Instruments of every variety were carefully composed around the space, but I already knew exactly where I would go and which I would play. 

I had learned to play the harp as a child, my mother having a small one that had been passed through our family from generations before the wealth had disappeared. It was the only thing that my great-great grandmother could not bear to part with, even long after the rubies and emeralds were gone.  
  
I smiled as I approached the one that Kallias kept, so different from the one that I had known as a child. It was far more beautiful, better kept and I was not sure that there was not some kind of faerie magic keeping it pristine. My fingers drifted a caress over the strings, not quite hard enough to send them singing.  
  
“Hello.” I whispered, despite the fact that I was the only one in the room. “Do you mind if I keep you company for a while?” I asked, even as I moved to take the seat near it. It did not take much thought to begin to pluck the harp, soft notes growing strong as I leaned into the music that allowed my soul to pretend it was not so fractured after the horrors I had seen.  
  
I was not sure how long I had been playing, but when I looked up again -- the first rays of sunlight were gleaming through the window, casting warm light on to the floor. However, it was not the sunlight that had caught my attention. Instead it was the soft, slow clapping of an audience I had not even realized that I’d had.  
  



	2. Two

_ Briar _

Vivianne looked exactly how one might imagine a queen of snow and ice. Her hair was white as the purest snowfall, long and framing her face. She had select pieces pulled back to keep them out of her way, her eyes warm despite their icy color. Many of the citizens of Winter Court shared these features, whether from years of selective genetics or just adaptability to the cold -- I did not know. It was difficult sometimes to tell relationships between persons just because their appearances all looked so very similar.    
  
She smiled at me, pushing off of her place in the doorway even as I straightened up nervously, drawing my hands away from the instrument to hold them in my lap. Even though I had been invited here, given a place among the fae I had once held in such high regard, and further still been given express permission to play the instruments in this room -- it still felt like getting caught with my hands in my mother’s sweets.    
  
“Beautiful as always, Briar.” The Lady of Winter said, brushing some of her long, white hair over her shoulder. I straightened, trying to look put together. 

“Thank you, my lady.” 

“Just Vivianne.” She corrected, her tone gentle but firm. “I want us to be friends...so none of the ‘my lady’ nonsense.” She waved a hand in front of her face, as if brushing away a bad smell. I felt a smile tug at the corners of my mouth. It was hard to dislike Vivianne. She was vibrant and full of life, clearly in love -- and the world lingered at her fingertips.    
  
“Sorry...Vivianne.” I said, earning a wink.    
  
“Rinma told me that you had another nightmare.”    
  
I looked away, feeling the guilt about the bed. It should not have surprised me that Vivianne would simply jump right into the hard topics. She was a straightforward woman, even if it was tempered with kindness. She had a way of getting to the bottom of things, even when you didn’t want her to.    
  
“Yes. It was the same as all the other ones.” I told her, wrinkling my nose in distaste. I hated even talking about it.    
  
“You know, Feyre told me that she has dreams like yours sometimes.” Vivianne said, watching me as I finally turned back to look at her. “You might think of speaking to her? Perhaps she could help you somehow.”    
  
Feyre Archeron, the High Lady of Night Court, had been my savior. A human who had broken a terrible curse on Prythian and turned into a faerie. It was only her mercy that had saved me the night that I had been dying on that makeshift stage, strung up between the bodies of two of my companions who had already succumbed to their injuries. I flinched at the memory, just as I had flinched at the touch of the man who had unchained me and brought me out from the camp to wait near the cliffs.    
  
I blinked, forcing myself away from it.    
  
“Maybe.” I said slowly, the apparent hesitation in my voice enough to make her raise an eyebrow.    
  
“I’m not going to force you to talk about it. But you don’t have to bear those burdens alone, Briar.” She shrugged, making a motion with her hands. “I am your friend. I wish you would treat me as such.”    
  
The guilt washed over me anew.    
  
“Vivianne, I…” I began, but she held up a hand to silence me.    
  
“It’s alright. I just want you to know that I am here for you, if you decide that you want help.” 

I nodded, making a mental note to do better. She was right. The Winter Court had been nothing but kind to me -- keeping me warm and fed, treating me with the utmost respect. If this had been the first experience I’d had with the faeries, I would have wept with joy. As a disciple of the Children of the Blessed, I would have seen all of my dreams realized -- but instead I had had the misfortune of meeting with evil first. Beguiled by their beauty and their promises, my companions and I had walked willingly into their camp.    
  
“The only reason I bring up Feyre is that she and her mate will be visiting us today. The Winter Solstice is coming up soon, and we’ll be so busy with our own preparations that it’s best to get social visits out of the way early.” She shifted her weight to her other hip, crossing her arms under her chest. “I imagine that we’ll see everyone before the end of the week. It’s also expected that Kallias and I visit the Day Court.” She grinned, amusement playing across her features. “Winter Solstice is their holiest day of the year too. You would think they’d celebrate something more...day-ish.”    
  
I huffed a small laugh, rising to my feet and Vivianne came forward to embrace me. Her hands slid low, looping around my waist. I let her hug me, a little uncomfortable. I had never been very good with words, so while I fumbled trying to think of something to say -- she started speaking again.    
  
“Oh, and I want you to know that Kallias agreed to add you to our family’s lines of credit with the merchants of Nivalis.” Nivalis was the name of the city that served as the home of the Winter Court lord and his family. “So you can buy anything you wish, if you wish.” Vivianne pulled back with a smile. “Just ask any of the sentries to take you. Or if you want, I can go with you sometime.”

“Thank you.” I said, surprised to find that I meant it. “I’ll have to take you up on that sometime.”    


The Lady of Winter Court squeezed my hands as she pulled back, and I made sure to squeeze them back. 

  
_ +~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+ _

The High Lord and Lady of Night Court arrived just in time for lunch. Most meals were already resplendent enough, but when there was company it seemed to be taken to a whole other level. Vivianne’s sister -- Arista-- had told me once that it was a matter of looking strong in front of their peers, especially following the dark period of time for all of Prythian known only as ‘Under the Mountain’. I knew very little about the events that had occurred Under the Mountain. Kallias had been one of the few members of the Winter Court to experience it, and he simply did not speak of it.    
  
All that I could glean from them was that it had been a particularly dark and cruel time, one that would linger in their memories for a long time. I knew what that was like, and although I was curious -- I would not try to pry into something so obviously painful.    
  
Feyre embraced Vivianne freely when they arrived, their smiles bright and easy. Rhysand, the High Lord of Night Court, had taken up conversation with Kallias and it seemed like although this was a visit of pleasure that the pair of High Lords could not help but discuss business as well.    
  
I was content to observe, and enjoy my lunch but my peace would not last very long as Feyre noticed I was not speaking to anyone and attempted to draw me into conversation. She turned in her seat, leaving Vivianne at her back. They had chosen to sit next to each other, leaving Feyre between myself and Vivianne.

“How are you finding Winter Court, Briar?” She asked, her blue-gray eyes fixed on me. She was smiling, and I found myself smiling back. We were a lot alike, apparently.    
  
“It’s wonderful.” I said, which was true. “Vivianne and Kallias treat me very kindly.” 

“You know that we would love to have you Velaris.” 

The no-longer-secret Night Court city? I blinked as I considered it. I knew a little Velaris -- a long, closely guarded secret that had not been unveiled until quite recently if I remembered the gossip, but I was not aware that outsiders were welcome to it. I let my gaze shift over to Vivianne who was nodding emphatically behind Feyre, practically begging me with her eyes to take it. My wariness must have come across because Feyre turned and Vivianne feigned her innocence.    
  
The human-turned-faerie turned back to me, shaking her head. 

“Seriously, Briar.” She said, looking as if she wanted to reach out but keeping her hands to herself. “I would love to show you my home. Velaris is…” Her eyes drifted to someplace far from here, her voice proud and wistful at the same time. “Well...you just need to see it to understand I think.”    
  
“Trying to steal her away from us?” Vivianne teased.    
  
“It’s not stealing if she wants to go.” Feyre shot back.    
  
I cleared my throat, and gave a diplomatic shrug of my shoulders.    
  
“Perhaps.” I said, but I could not help the smile that I tried to hide by looking busy enjoying my food. 


	3. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you all for your kind words so far. I am sorry for the delay on this chapter, but it is a bit longer than my previous ones so hopefully that makes up for it a little. As always, all mistakes are mine. :)

#  _Briar_  
  
  


The following week was much the same. The Winter Court practically crawled with visitors, and I found myself more likely to hide as the week wore on. Not all of the fae were as kind as Feyre and her High Lord. Many saw me as an oddity, or a pet, rather than a person. Some of their eyes, like one of the sons of Autumn Court, lingered on me far too long for my liking. I was lucky because Vivianne nor Kallias pressed for my presence. It was not as if I were family, just a guest whom they were kindly giving shelter to until I could decide what I wanted. 

That truly was the problem though, wasn’t it? I did not have the slightest idea of what I was going to do now. The Children of the Blessed were in shambles -- half of their number being enlightened to the true nature of the fairies that they had worshiped for so long and the other half still yearning for an acceptance that I had. That few were lucky to get. Most of those who decided to brave the Pyrthian side of the wall quickly found themselves dead. My companions had. I had come so close.    
  
I could still see the beautiful woman with her hands cuffed together, the metal glinting in the moonlight, clinging to a man with wings like a bat. He was the demon carrying an angel away, and she had screamed at me to reach out if I wanted to live. My fingers crept up to feel my throat, where she had held on to me. That had almost killed me too. I’d been so shaken that the next hours had passed in a daze, and I had never gotten the chance to thank her.    
  
“Briar?” A quiet voice said, and I blinked as I lifted my head from the book that I had simply been staring at. I knew how to read -- something my mother had seen to -- but I was still on the page that I had opened the book up to. I was hiding in one of the great libraries of the house, and I saw that it was Rinma who had interrupted my thoughts.    
  
I smiled, automatic and serene. 

“Yes?”

“Lady Vivianne has asked for you in the solar rooms.” Rinma said, standing perfectly still. It was sometimes strange to see how un-humanlike the fae could be, despite their appearance. I was learning that there were many types of faeries, many of which were kept hidden away by their lovelier counterparts if only to cultivate the image of a fair and beautiful folk.    
  
Rinma was just as beautiful as Vivianne in some regards, but I wondered if she was hiding under a glamour like some of the other servants. Vivianne had not let me see the full staff here until I had been a part of the household for a month. Once I had found out that glamour was real I had become suspicious of everything, unsure if what I was seeing was real.    
  
“Thank you, Rinma. I will go to her straight away.” I replied, glancing for the slip of paper that served as the place marker of my book and gathering my feet under me to make my way to the solar rooms. 

The solar rooms were as impressive as they sounded. It was large and mostly glass to let in the light at all hours of the day, connected to the main house by a short hallway. Almost greenhouse in nature and appearance, it was where Vivianne liked to spend quite a lot of her time. It was a little worrisome that she would summon me so formally, the woman generally liked to just appear rather than request an audience. 

So it was with trepidation that I approached and when I saw Kallias with her, I felt my dread growing. My mind flickered over the last several hours, trying to determine if I had done something wrong that might effectively end my stay in  Nivalis.    
  
The pair were seated, sharing afternoon tea together by all appearances. Vivianne held a secret smile as she offered the tea cup up to her mate’s lips, only to steal it away at the last moment. His gaze smoldered but when he caught sight of me coming in, it quickly cooled until he looked as calm and in control as ever. 

“Briar...please join us.” Viv said happily, gesturing to the open seat. It felt as though I were about to receive a lecture, and I wondered if I looked as uncomfortable as I felt because Kallias was trying to hide a smirk of amusement. 

I glanced warily between them, waiting until the servant who had appeared from thin air quickly served me and then left again before speaking. 

“Did I do something?” I asked, which made Viv snort into her tea. 

“Cauldron, no.” She assured, and then kicked Kallias under the table when he did nothing to assuage my fears. The tea cups rattled, and he looked rather offended from his place at the table although I assumed it was pride that kept him from reaching down to rub whatever she’d kicked. “I wanted to ask you to tea because we have a lot to talk about.”

“So you’re asking me to leave?” The question was out before I could stop it, knowing how rude it was. A flush spread across my cheeks, staining them with crimson. This time it was Kallias who spoke up. 

“No.” He said firmly, and I found myself looking at him. Why did it mean more coming from him? Maybe because I didn’t think he liked me all that much? Only tolerated my presence for the sake of his wife...his mate? “That’s not what we’re here to discuss.” 

He picked up his cup, the delicate porcelain looking even more breakable in his hands.    
  
“We’re not going to ask you to leave, Briar.” Viv agreed, drawing my attention back to her. “You have a home here as long as you like. Forever if you want it.” 

I tried to imagine myself living here as an old woman, my dark hair going gray and face covered in wrinkles while Viv never looked a day over twenty-five. It was not the most...ideal vision.    
  
“Anyway,” She continued, waving a hand. “The biggest thing that I wanted to discuss with you is the upcoming trip to Day Court.” 

Right, the visit to visit Day to acknowledge the holy day for them before celebrating it here. Day Court had already been by to visit, the whole thing taking four of the last seven days. Which would mean…

“We are planning to leave tomorrow, and spend a few days there. And we’d like you to come along.” There was another shake of the table as Vivianne nudged her mate, who finally nodded his head in agreement.    
  
“Helion asked us to extend his invitation to you as well, given that he did not have much time to spend with you here.” The High Lord said.    
  
It was impossible to miss a man like Helion. He was beautifully dark-skinned with eyes of sunlight, and his smile was infectious. He had been friendly when he was here, although Rinma had warned me quite clearly of his...appetites and I’d done well to keep mostly out of his way. 

It was probably rude to refuse his invitation. 

“I..” I started slowly, sensing Viv hanging on my every word. “I appreciate that offer, truly, but…”

“But?” 

“But, I had hoped to go into Nivalis tomorrow.” It was not entirely untrue, but it was a weak excuse. “And I’m sure that I’d be more trouble than it’s worth to take me to Solaris.” I plucked the name of Day Court’s main city out of the memories of faerie lessons. “I still have not...finished all of my Solstice shopping.”  _ Hadn’t started, rather _ . It felt odd spending their money to buy gifts for them. 

Viv tried very hard to hide her disappointment, and it was Kallias’ turn to nudge her under the table. 

“Of course, we understand.” She said finally, but the tone of her voice made me regret my choice. I almost considered changing my mind.   


  
+++++++++++++++++++++

Sometimes living in Winter Court was a lot like living in a snowglobe. I had only seen one once, a delicate treasure in a shop, but I had never forgotten the swirl of sparkles and snow as it floated down gently to land upon an intricate little town. I had perhaps been eight or nine, and thoroughly enchanted by the marvel of glass. 

The sleigh was being driven by a servant, one whose name I could not remember simply because his main task was driving those who wished to go into town and I had been to Nivalis a grand total of three times since my arrival. He was a strange little man, with green skin that appeared like tree bark. He wore a cap that covered his bald head, and with his lack of neck, he seemed like a child in oversized clothes than someone who was over seven hundred years old. I did remember my surprise at finding that out, if nothing else. It was always so hard to gauge the ages of those around me. 

He said little as he gently controlled the velvet-antlered reindeer, content to ignore me and I him. I had luck on my side to pick this as my one shopping day, as the sun was shining overhead with only a few rolling clouds -- gray and fat with snow -- threatening overhead. That did not change the fact that I was bundled from head to toe in the warmest clothing that I could find. I was not accustomed to the cold weather that was to be expected here, and I had felt simultaneously ridiculous and relieved when Rinma had insisted that I put on a second scarf. The wool was warm around my neck, and dyed a rich emerald green to match the mittens covering my hands.   
  
Nivalis was...something else. The homes and shops were expertly crafted, many of them displaying ornate carvings in the eaves. Many looked like winter lodges, and there was not a single dwelling as far as the eye could see that did not have smoke curling up from a chimney. Thick layers of snow coated the rooftops, and it seemed that I was not the only one to take advantage of the good weather today. 

The city was bustling, eager shoppers with wrapped packages hurrying to and fro. Deciding to go into the city a mere six days before Solstice had not been my brightest idea. I found myself standing still, watching the commotion around me without being able to move.    
  
Fae of every shape and size, a cacophony of voices and smells that dizzied my senses. Most were polite enough to glance at me once and then look away, while others openly stared at me. I curled my toes inside the fur-lined boots that I had been given, and took a deep breath as I steadied myself. Nothing bad was going to happen. I was safe in Nivalis. Still, my mittened hands made sure that Vivianne’s pendant that marked me as one of the court’s formal guests was visible. She had assured me that no one would bother me too much with it around my neck.    
  
Of course there could always be an exception. 

I half-heartedly wished that I had taken Rinma up on her offer to accompany me today, instead leaving it to the silent guards who took up posts where they tried to be unobtrusive. I simply did not think that I could handle the conversation, or the attempts at such. I preferred to be left alone to my thoughts.    
  
Grounded, I went forward and started my shopping. I spent the better part of the hour combing through every shop on the north end which was known for its craftsmanship. I tried hard to think of gifts that would mean something while not being too expensive. What did one get for someone who had  _ everything _ that they desired at the snap of a finger? And the High Lord? I knew him far less than Viv, but it seemed rude not to consider a gift for him as well.    
  
I exited the shop that I had just been in, forsaking its warmth for the cooler air of the streets when suddenly I collided with someone. 

“I-I’m so sorry, I…” I began, stammering in utter embarrassment. However, the words died on my tongue when I looked up, into a pair of green eyes and a brilliant shock of golden hair that had not yet faded from my nightmares. 


	4. Four

_Tamlin_

I found Winter Court to be utterly unbearable. 

It lacked the subtle warmth of my own court, the breeze scented with blooming flowers and the sound of birdsong. At least...when it had been so. Nivalis was bustling, bright and busy, but it was cold and silent as a grave once you escaped the city’s noise. Much like mine had become.   
  
It was only tradition that had brought me here -- that and I’d been hoping to find some kind of relief by leaving the borders of my court. Everything was different than it had been just a year ago, and I willed away the unconscious growth of claws beneath my skin at the pain of the memory. My life had been perfect with the woman I loved and my most trusted friend at my side, and then it had all been ruined. 

_I_ had ruined it. 

Even now, I could feel Amarantha’s poison still within me as it twisted around my heart like a vine of thorns with sharp points. It was growing too, stretching as it tried to entangle more of me -- smothering me until I couldn’t breathe. Even now, I feel them tangled around my throat, the sharp bite of the thorn’s kiss against my skin.

I shuddered and forced a slow breath from my chest. I pressed a hand over my beating heart to ensure that it _was still beating_. At that moment, I remember that I am standing in the heart of Winter Court’s central city and lift my gaze up, wondering if anyone has noticed my strange behavior. My gaze flitted around me before landing on a lesser fae child who was openly staring at me, clinging to his mother’s hand. It had been an eternity since I had lain eyes on a child. The memory of Amarantha’s cruelty to the Winter Court causes a sick feeling in my stomach. Her cruelty had not only affected me.

I forced myself to turn away, shrugging off the boy’s stare. I had come to the Winter Court to observe the traditions of old, much like everyone else. Ultimately I knew that I must go to see Vivianne and Kallias to offer them the proper respects, but I foundmyself dragging my feet to do so. Once that is done, I would have no reason to linger here and I truly dreaded returning to the silence of Spring Court. The noise of Nivalis is foreign to my ears, after months of silence and no one to hold a conversation with. Lucien had tried to see me on occasion, but I can not stand his pity. I never wanted any of this.

I am distracted again, just barely registering the tinkling of a shop bell as a door opens and someone seems to trip over their own feet, knocking into me. I reach out of instinct, catching the clumsy fae. I open my mouth to speak, to be clear that they know just who they have offended, but the words fail me as multiple things happen at once. 

It is a pair of human eyes that meet mine, as we both flinched away from each other. My hand tore away from her elbow as if she had burned me. Her appearance is bewildering, not her attire but the fact that she is standing here before me at all as well as the glint of recognition in her eyes. Do I know her? My features curl in disgust at the same moment that recognition fades to fear, and I can see the beast in her eyes reflected back at me. Dark, chocolate brown eyes. Not pools of blue. Her hair is dark, nearly black, under the furred cap on her head, not golden brown. She is nothing like _her_ , save for being a scrap of a mortal.   
  
She shuffled back, boots scraping the ground until she bumps into another of my kind and whirls to apologize. Disgraceful, but I find myself grateful to have broken the contact with her. I hate seeing myself reflected in her gaze, the monster that I live with pressed so close to the surface.   
  
I tear my eyes away from her, and now simmering with pain anew, I leave without saying a word. The thin sheets of ice, salted to help it melt more quickly, cracked beneath my feet but I don’t find it difficult to maintain my balance. 

I took my time walking the city, the rows of houses and shops a blur as I tried to forget the mortal girl. I already have enough memories of another one. 

Yet I can not help but wonder why she was even there in the first place, so far from the Wall and the human villages. It was not forbidden for humans to live in Prythian, although most who tried did not live long without the protection of another fae. They were too delicate, too breakable -- often enslaved or killed. She seemed especially so.  
  
The image of her eyes rose in my mind, the dark depths flickering from recognition to fear. Was she one of those accursed Children of the Blessed? My memory flickers like a candle at their mention, a vague recollection but nothing bright enough to see in the darkness. 

I hesitate, hearing my feet scuff the icy ground as I turn back in the direction from which I have just come. I know that she must have recognized me, which means that our paths had most certainly crossed. Why else would she look so terrified? Unless...I am as monstrous as I fear. 

  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The girl’s face haunted me all the way to the fortress that Kallias called home. The exterior is much the same as those in the heart of Nivalis, marvels of carved wood and craftsmanship, but I know it is just a facade over stone. His father had had the place reinforced when we were boys, and I distinctly remembered the trouble we’d gotten in for chasing each other through the work being done. It had been peculiar then for Spring and Winter to be close allies, something that eroded away to nothing more than memories that made for a good laugh on occasion. 

I highly doubted that Kallias would have much to laugh about with me now.

His servants escorted me through the halls, and a slight man who looked thin enough to break apologized on behalf of the High Lord of Winter.   
  
“They departed just this morning for Day Court...to observe Winter Solstice traditions there.” His reedy voice said, grating against my sense. This was certainly what I deserved for showing up unannounced.   
  
“It is no matter.” I replied, noting the way his gaze drops to my hand, as though he could see the claws beneath my skin. It’s impossible, I knew that, but I found myself curling them into fists anyway. “I will wait for their return, if you would be so kind as to offer me a place to stay.” I said, tone clipped all the shorter because of my soured mood.   
  
I could tell that he wished to turn me away, the distrust in his gaze masked by platitudes. 

“Of course. We would be honored to host the High Lord of Spring.”


End file.
